Happy Halloween!

I can’t really focus right now. It took me nearly an hour and a half to finish reading five pages on birth-order effects. It was a wikipedia article. I don’t know...I was so happy thirty minutes ago. Nothing has happened in that lapse of time, maybe a few songs have been played through….maybe I’ve desired one too many strangers.

I had a lot of fun last night. Everything went really well…except I smoked a bit and felt sick for a while. I wasn’t being obnoxious, I just kind of sat on down on some steps outside. Away from most other people with my head in my hands. I just wanted to fall asleep. Thank God for Trace and Justin. They took really good care of me. Trace directed me to another area and had me gag myself so I wouldn’t be so drunk anymore, ten minutes later I was jumping around and having a ball again, then everyone else started to feel bad. I don’t remember if it was sickness or the cold or what.

They were so nice to me. One of them kept on staring at me weirdly. I wonder if he holds any hostility towards me. I hope not, he’s nice. He seems to be very happy with his boyfriend, although last night I did see a side of him that was a little dark. He was very angry when his friends weren’t able to properly direct us to their party. He kept on yelling at them over the phone and definitely took the alpha-male position amongst us. We eventually found our way.

Trace was nice and sat outside with me while I smoked. I felt compelled to unload on him. He sat patiently and listened for a bit, then, after I was done we didn’t talk about it anymore. I was appreciative and he was probably a little worried. I don’t know…I’m sorry for being that way.

Justin’s tea-cup broke. I’m really sorry about that. It happened when we were walking, I think I passed him a little too closely and, maybe, he didn’t have a great grip on it. It felt on the sidewalk and broke in about seven or eight pieces. He was upset….definitely upset but unwilling to place blame on anyone.

I felt like a fifth wheel at the end of the night when I walked back to my dorm. Struck up a conversation with Thomas on aim, he was cute on Friday night. I think I like him a lot. I don’t know, I hope when he returns next year (if I’m still here) that we can do something. I suppose it’s an infatuation.

As for now…I’m lonely beyond belief. I keep on telling myself “No, I don’t need anyone.” It’s working….a bit. I felt so incapable last night. I kept on meeting all these handsome guys who were already in relationships. It was discouraging. OH well…..this is my life. The only guy that I continually hit on me was a creep (zombie Tim). There was an angel though (matt). He was sweet and I liked him…I think it was his side-burns.