Whatever...I'm leaving

I'm so thrilled that the time to go home has already arrived. I just have to survive one more day here and then I'll be on my way back. What's even more exciting is that I'm, for the most part, very done with whatever schoolwork I have to do before I leave. I'll get to enjoy this place...hopefully. So I woke up a little while ago, didn't go to class, wanted to stay in and shower so I could meet up with some friends to revise our papers. Well....the hot water isn't working. And now that I think about it, I do remember reading a flier yesterday saying that it wouldn't be working....hmm. It's kind of awful.

I can't wait for Raul to come, and for us to be happy! I'm looking forward to the six hour drive back, it's always so relaxing to just sit around in a vehicle with friends, loud music, cigarettes, and scenery that could only be appreciated on a desolate road. It's going to be magnificent! I should probably call him soon and find out what time he's coming. It's also been a while since I checked the water, maybe I can shower now? Either way, while I'm home I won't be able to blog...unfortunately. It's the one thing I hate about going home, we don't have internet....hmmm.....it's so stupid. Whatever.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!! :D

Ehhhhhh ehh ehhh

I need to shower.....ehh....Christ...I really need to shower. Oh I had one question...just one.

I was wondering if the first impression I make on a person is also the impression that stays with them?

How much of your own shit are you willing to buy in to?

I hate myself for what I have done. Why? It was so unnecessary, Jesus Christ! I swear to God I'm a good person, I don't know why I have to constantly fight myself on this. Why is it I always feel like shit about myself? What's causing me to feel like such an awful person? What were my motives for doing what I did on Saturday? It was so stupid. I don't even like him, I just it kind of scares me that I can fake it though. Where's my fucking validation?

- To sum it all up...I just feel like I'm really a bad person. Someone who's inauthentic, and someone who sucks at life.

Our Hell.

First went wrong is hard to find
We’re paralyzed, we apologize
Our hell is a good life
Last went wrong, where’s my prize under the lights
Can we call it in?
We’ll be on the road
Can we stop?
When we stop my back will turn your face toward the fence
What I thought it was it isn’t now
All this weight, is honest worse
We’re moderate, we modernize
till our hell is a good life
All we know what to forget… how to do right
Coloring in the black hole
Can’t we stop? when we stop
My hands will shake, my eyes will burn
My throat will ache, watching you turn
From me toward your friends
What I thought it was it isn’t now
What I thought it was it isn’t
Punishment to stall what is done
What I thought was in is missing out
What I thought it was it isn’t now
There’s a pattern in the system
There’s a bullet in the gun
That’s why I tried to save you
But it can’t be done

Debauchery

Yeah I wrote this the other day when I almost fell asleep in class..it woke me up.

Cool sheets
Warm bodies
Wet parts
Tight chests
Soft hair
Closed blinds
Sweaty faces
Nails on your back
Wet spots on jeans
Salty tastes
Moaning
Quiet groaning
Handfuls of flesh
Tight spaces
Bursting
Tearing
Ripping apart
Sensational pain
Blurring smearing
Fusing
Binding legs
Thrusting
Hands on the waist
Whimpers
Laughing
Build ups
Repression
Build up
Refrain
Keep going
Skin
Sinking
Getting on
Getting off
Lighting up
Blowing smoke

Thanks

So much for Sleazeballs with a capital "S".............

Meaningless

So the word "alcoholic" is getting thrown around a lot.
Honestly I don't really care what people say or think about me.
I know what I'm doing...and I don't think anything is getting out of hand
People exaggerate and love to talk...
If that's not the case then they just genuinely do care
I suppose to make me look bad and be caring, it's kind of a correlation
to make others aware of the severity
I really can't remember that night anyway
so who am I to talk.
I don't recall doing anything stupid
My room was clean when I woke up
Hmmm
I wonder where things are going.
We had a heart to heart last night
It was great. I love you beyond possibility
Got to get to my paper
I guess....
Goodbye.

gonna make it right
some future in my eyes
*bright*
hush
don't explain
when you water down my name
I'll be up to late
call me when you get
better at your game
you haven't beat me yet


Oh BTW...I FUCKING HATE EVERYONE.... :)
- that's all....


(really I don't...I kind of just like saying that now...or thinking it. WUTEVS)