WHaT?!

I can't believe I had Wendy's at 3 in the morning....I guess this means I'm not eating tomorrow. Doh!

- Just drinking...:)

Whining

It's so sad....why did I have to go and ruin it? I'm such woman....always wanting to talk. I keep on hearing from other people that I'm going to have to learn how to talk about nothing if I want to keep a relationship going. Something like...people wanting to save face and not wanting to be confronted with things. I don't know...It's just really frustrating...I guess.

Nerves

I want to scream. That's all I can do to drown it out. I'm so scared...I don't know anything. Why?! I need something. I want some clarity. I don't understand how I could become so discontented. I'm not making sense even to myself...and I think I just killed something. I'm so sorry....or at least I might be in the morning.

I'm on fire....

Can't sleep

I went to bed at twelve after feeling nauseous all day. I've been so stressed and plagued with guilt that I've developed a little twitch in my arm every time I think about it. My depression has physically manifested itself with headaches, and hot flashes. I get dizzy spells. I'm incapable of functioning. I can't believe I did that. I'm such an idiot.

I didn't fall asleep until well after 2 am only to wake up at 6 still thinking about it with the same queasy uneasiness I had felt when I fell asleep. I cried, and felt as though I wanted to throw up. He never responded, but I can only hope for the best.

I'd like to talk, but I doubt that's going to happen anytime in the near future. All I can do is be penitent and listen to the songs of the grand-fuck ups.

Unbelievable

I'm so curious. Why does my heart race so wildly for someone who doesn't even like me? This stupid high school infatuation. Oh well...it's bound to either be resolved soon...or never. But I suppose I won't let it linger too much.

- It's nice to dream though. :)

I don't know how we stopped being friends or why it happened. I'm sorry, I'm resentful. You seem to be having fun...I hope that continues.

CURRY!

Heh...I'm going back on the twenty-second! I'm so excited. Ready to make a change? I don't know...but I'm ready to have access to a gym and pool again. Ready to be around a multitude of people that I LOVE!!! Ooohh....But I will miss home. My nephew (who's grown on me) and the rest of my family that can sometimes drive me insane...but otherwise, I'm fine. I'm glad and I know that everything will go well this year...it's always just a slight adjustment to a certain mentality....and I suppose I've fixed that little part and am now able to keep happy.

Either way..I'm just really excited to go back to Austin. I keep on having all these dreams where I return to some crazy, magnificent, Hogwarts-esque school....haha!

Speaking of dreams....
Last night was weird. I was running away from Chucky (yes, that ginger doll). I was in a huge mansion with a bunch of people I knew. There were three floors and tons of wine. Haha...I kept on avoiding everyone else and trying to find that psychotic little doll. It was weird...I finally found and dismembered him. I threw him in a garbage bin and walked away. A new family found him but, in my dream, I didn't care because it wasn't my problem anymore. Then later on I was in Austin discussing different Indian restaurants with my aunt. I could go for some curry.