I So Often Wish For.....

Call me when you get better at your game
You haven't beat me yet....

I suppose this past week has been rather uneventful (excluding the weekend which in retrospect was pretty okay). I got to see some old friends and make some wonderful memories. In regards to Kyle, I saw him on both Friday and Saturday. I had a lot of fun. On Friday we waited for the storm to come in we sat out by the creek and just stayed there...
On Saturday when it did rain, I felt as if the rain had finally come along with the same melancholy that always seems to arrive on Saturdays. It turned around however when I began to chat with some friends. I made plans with one of them (I was surprised when she said she would drive over). I went out in the rain to meet her, relishing every drop that fell upon my head, face, and body. I got into her car and we drove off to her apartment. I had already begun chatting with Kyle when we she picked me up. I somehow charmed him into wanting to see me. It made me feel good, like I was in control of the situation. I felt like I knew what to tell him to get him to want to see me. It felt nice....nice...just to be wanted.
Samantha's apartment was wonderful. It's much better than any other I've seen, by far. We sat out on her balcony and talked. We spoke and reminisced. Discussed if we feel we've kept in touch with those we had the intentions too, and how for the most part we were satisfied with the status quo. Throughout our conversation Kyle and I would occasionally exchange chatter. After a while Sam and I ran out of cigarette's (because I didn't have any we had to share hers, she had five left). We drove to a nearby gas station and bought some more, she ended up driving me back to the dorms so we could sit out by the bench, which by then was soaked and had become swamp-like. After that one cigarette she left back to her apartment and I went upstairs because I was to spend the night at Kyle's.
I had a good time at his house. It was pleasant, lots of smiles and laughter. I understand that most of his jokes are mean spirited but I still felt a little thrown-off when he called me weird. I know he was kidding, I'm positive he doesn't really feel that way. But...it was hard for me to swallow. We stayed up until four kissing and touching each other so affectionately. When he turned out the lights he had his arm somewhere around my neck. It was comfortable for a while then became inconvenient. I moved from this and he responded by turning over abruptly. I was a little shocked. I'm not sure the sequence of what happened but I ended up kissing him for a brief period of time and then we just went back to sleep. Backs to each other. He would occasionally get up from bed and walk over to the restroom. He would also place a pillow over his head. I thought I'd done something wrong. With his back still turned to me I turned around and was now facing him, his back that is. I wanted to reach out and stroke his back. Looking back I don't know why I didn't. It wouldn't have been a big deal. It just didn't happen.
We woke up at ten and he had to be on campus by ten thirty. He got ready quickly, as did I, and we drove back to campus. He dropped me off and made plans to see me later to grab something to eat. I haven't seen him since.....
That day, the weather was beautiful and I was inspired to do work. I wanted to get through the day quickly so I could see him later. I was bright-eyed. Other than the fact that he didn't get ahold of me it was a splendid day. Later on that evening I went over to Trey's apartment. He had some homework to finish up. I sat by him with sprite in one hand and my face in the other. He offered me a drink because I looked like I needed one. I took three, perhaps four. It was enough to make me feel relaxed. I calmed down and stopped caring. No more problems, you're just overeacting. It all made sense to me, I was just being foolish. And I was.
My emotions are hyper-active. They develop very quickly and I just don't know why. I had a happy child-hood. I think because of always having people around in my life, I need that now. This is not the place for it. I finally got in touch with Kyle later that night, things looked up. But not really because I had to get to him. I understand how busy he is, but it still bothered me. I couldn't go a day without contacting him because if I didn't...I don't know how I'd feel if he didn't get to me.
I'll write more later. This didn't come out like I'd wanted it too. I'm going to sleep now....