Mute

I have been in such a miserable mood all week. Or at least, I feel that way reflecting back on it. Whatever though, it's Sunday and a new week is one it's way. What made this week so shitty? I don't know....It's just been a mess. I haven't been able to enjoy much of what's come my way. Hmm, maybe I'm just under a lot of stress? I don't know.

- Despite the circumstances I try not to project.
- You stood me up - I don't know what to do with you anymore
- I'm fed up
- Everyone, all my friends, it's all coming undone...because of some slick blonde (really not worth it, guys).
- Need to find a fucking place to live next year
- Greenwood Towers is looking better and better
- Uncertainty leaves a lot of room for frustration
- Spring break sucked, well, the parts where I wasn't at SXSW!! (I feel that this is where things started)
I don't mean all of spring break...just a few interesting and distinct parts.
- Kathy wasn't here for spring break and if that week was bad....imagine a year of that...It's do-able but I just need to find the people who I'm going to be around most of the time next year...that or become a recluse like other people I know...or get a boyfriend...they seem to be really...time-consuming.
- Hopefully I can't strengthen some current bonds...or develop new ones...and then that'll be a lot of fun!
- I need a bike, or at least a new way of getting around Austin that doesn't involve me walking (only because it takes longer than biking).
- You know....

I guess I just felt isolated all week. Maybe I didn't want to see anyone and I just kept on being around people, I'm not sure... Or, I allowed myself to waste so much time doing nothing and never really understood what I needed to do...either way last night was the final straw. I was sleepy and in a daze. I couldn't open my eyes completely at all last night and when I did...they were blood-red, which was sad....I just didn't want to be there...that's the only reason I ever go blank. It's what I do when I don't want to be around people...I really do just escape...run into my mind and forget about everything going on around me. I know it was frustrating for Kathy but....I don't know...I just wasn't up for it. I was really eager at the beginning of the night...but then that stupid fucking dinner....it just wore me out. Hatred really drained me...they were exhausting. Oh Mary....I thought we were friends...but you're just too self-involved. Is it too much of a hassle to give us a call every now and then...oh and you're just so superior! Can pass judgement on everyone else. Whatever....
Hopefully I can be a bit sharper this week....slap myself back into the here & now! I really have to pick up the slack...I'm so dumb for falling behind so horribly! Gah! I'll do it, it's okay. I know I can! I felt as though I'd been incapable of speaking, not really out of fear but because I thought it was so obvious that it didn't require a response. A lot of things are like that in my opinion. At least, concerning other people...but I guess it's that way for everyone. Also, it's not like I could've said something without getting my head bitten off. I just need a break today.
Now I have to stop blogging and get back to my fucking sociology assignment - fertility analysis...Babies...eww....
Schedule for today: Already behind...woke up at 2 - ate leftovers
- showered
- Medici
- Sociology assignment
- Read that play
- Do laundry
- more reading
- Go to the gym
- or not eat
- more showers
- clean up the room a bit.....
- Watch the Little Mermaid at some point w/Katherine and Alfred for that Hans Christian Anderson class they're in.
- Although, I probably won't be able to watch it. O_O
- Riley's a father now....of four Doberman puppies! How sweet! I want pictures (I just got off the phone with my mother and she told me). How exciting!!! :)This does brighten up my day.