And I say there's trouble when everything is fine
The need to destroy things creeps up on me every time
And just as love's silhouette appears I close my eyes
And disappear tonight
Y otra vez yo no tengo nada de animo. Creo que no puede hacer nada, y yo estoy muy sentido con un nino que quiebro mi corazon.
I don't know why the fuck I wrote that. In spanish, or at all actually. I don't even know if it's correct, I highly doubt it. I guess.
Moderation, what is that? Is it not being a glutton? I need a rubber band. A thick one, to place around my wrist and start that aversive therapy I've heard works so well. It's funny that it'll take the physical sting to keep me from doing what I want. I guess it'll be better than you know...not eating. I feel like I've already got one around my soul, but not only does it hurt me when it snaps, this has an astounding two functions and had but one cause. It also serves as an inhibitor. It doesn't allow me to derive any happiness from being frivelous. It doesn't permit me to take any pleasure from those random occurences. Hah!
What a twist, I was having such an amazing day until my friend told me she wouldn't be able to meet to work on our final projects for our literature class. I had a goal, I wasn't motivated but I had a goal. Then curiousity got the best of me and I did it. I did it, and I don't know if it was worth it. To hear that, I mean. I don't know what possessed me. I was, kind of, doing well. At least improving. I was played with this week, again. It's funny....it'll never stop because I'm too stupid and naive and "HOPEFUL." and I refuse to give up my ways.
I just go everywhere for everyone else. I never want to see the bad in people. People close to me at least. I don't allow myself. I think you're "without flaw." But that's not what you think, and I suppose you think the same of me. If that was at all sincerity you were spewing. Come to find, answers do only lead to more questions. I never once before questioned my own ability to judge a person. I have quite a refined sense of intuition. I trust it without doubt. I would probably be more capable of knowing what was in your head if I we were to get together. It's not like it matters though.
It's all over, I guess. *sigh* I never wanted to admit it, I never wanted to feel like this. I don't even recognize this god damned feeling. It's not a sadness, it's more like...I suppose defeat? I don't understand it. It's apathy, it's uncaring, it's not wanting anything to do with you other than what you're willing give me and then we'll see how I'll change. But then again, I don't think you want anything to do with me. That feels slightly accurate. God, sincerity? Who would have ever thought someone could be so good at lying. Uncertainty is something that will kill me. No, I doubt that actually. I mean once someone has you, you trust them. Or, at least I do. If things were to get better, I don't think I'd be distrusting. Of course I'd be a little more cautious about giving all of myself to any one person. I don't know what it will take to be done with it.
At least now I can appreciate the beauty of others. Last night I saw this boy, and I thought he was very handsome. He had brown hair, it was wavy and/or curly. I'm not sure how to describe it. He was white and had very penetrating eyes. I wasn't pursuing him or anything, just admiring. I'm not interested in anything like that just yet. He was standing in front of a light so as I was looking I observed the faintest strands of hair on the back of his neck. I wondered what it would be like to feel them just as delicately, hmm. Oh well, I'm beginning to sound creepy but that really was as far as my admiration for that boy went. He was talking to some girl and they were holding hands. I was happy for them, I guess.
I guess I just want to feel special again. I know that's ultimately what everyone wants. To feel that they are unique and different, that there's not a single person out there in the world who is ANYTHING like them. Is that why we seek others through love? To have someone, just another single person in the world who does think that we are something like 1 in a 1,000,000? Is that the significance of love? No, I'm sure it's MUCH deeper than that. Pfft. Well now I'm starting to sound bitter. Oh well, it's all right. I suppose, when one is in love they feel right, complete, and just altogether put together...the epitome of happy. I'll have to feel that one day, or notice that I've never felt like that. Hmm.
The need to destroy things creeps up on me every time
And just as love's silhouette appears I close my eyes
And disappear tonight
Y otra vez yo no tengo nada de animo. Creo que no puede hacer nada, y yo estoy muy sentido con un nino que quiebro mi corazon.
I don't know why the fuck I wrote that. In spanish, or at all actually. I don't even know if it's correct, I highly doubt it. I guess.
Moderation, what is that? Is it not being a glutton? I need a rubber band. A thick one, to place around my wrist and start that aversive therapy I've heard works so well. It's funny that it'll take the physical sting to keep me from doing what I want. I guess it'll be better than you know...not eating. I feel like I've already got one around my soul, but not only does it hurt me when it snaps, this has an astounding two functions and had but one cause. It also serves as an inhibitor. It doesn't allow me to derive any happiness from being frivelous. It doesn't permit me to take any pleasure from those random occurences. Hah!
What a twist, I was having such an amazing day until my friend told me she wouldn't be able to meet to work on our final projects for our literature class. I had a goal, I wasn't motivated but I had a goal. Then curiousity got the best of me and I did it. I did it, and I don't know if it was worth it. To hear that, I mean. I don't know what possessed me. I was, kind of, doing well. At least improving. I was played with this week, again. It's funny....it'll never stop because I'm too stupid and naive and "HOPEFUL." and I refuse to give up my ways.
I just go everywhere for everyone else. I never want to see the bad in people. People close to me at least. I don't allow myself. I think you're "without flaw." But that's not what you think, and I suppose you think the same of me. If that was at all sincerity you were spewing. Come to find, answers do only lead to more questions. I never once before questioned my own ability to judge a person. I have quite a refined sense of intuition. I trust it without doubt. I would probably be more capable of knowing what was in your head if I we were to get together. It's not like it matters though.
It's all over, I guess. *sigh* I never wanted to admit it, I never wanted to feel like this. I don't even recognize this god damned feeling. It's not a sadness, it's more like...I suppose defeat? I don't understand it. It's apathy, it's uncaring, it's not wanting anything to do with you other than what you're willing give me and then we'll see how I'll change. But then again, I don't think you want anything to do with me. That feels slightly accurate. God, sincerity? Who would have ever thought someone could be so good at lying. Uncertainty is something that will kill me. No, I doubt that actually. I mean once someone has you, you trust them. Or, at least I do. If things were to get better, I don't think I'd be distrusting. Of course I'd be a little more cautious about giving all of myself to any one person. I don't know what it will take to be done with it.
At least now I can appreciate the beauty of others. Last night I saw this boy, and I thought he was very handsome. He had brown hair, it was wavy and/or curly. I'm not sure how to describe it. He was white and had very penetrating eyes. I wasn't pursuing him or anything, just admiring. I'm not interested in anything like that just yet. He was standing in front of a light so as I was looking I observed the faintest strands of hair on the back of his neck. I wondered what it would be like to feel them just as delicately, hmm. Oh well, I'm beginning to sound creepy but that really was as far as my admiration for that boy went. He was talking to some girl and they were holding hands. I was happy for them, I guess.
I guess I just want to feel special again. I know that's ultimately what everyone wants. To feel that they are unique and different, that there's not a single person out there in the world who is ANYTHING like them. Is that why we seek others through love? To have someone, just another single person in the world who does think that we are something like 1 in a 1,000,000? Is that the significance of love? No, I'm sure it's MUCH deeper than that. Pfft. Well now I'm starting to sound bitter. Oh well, it's all right. I suppose, when one is in love they feel right, complete, and just altogether put together...the epitome of happy. I'll have to feel that one day, or notice that I've never felt like that. Hmm.
- I need a stiff one, a cigarette, and an a killer song to dance to.
1 comment:
Maybe you should change...it's really not working out for you.
- you won't even have to get a new wardrobe, because you already did.
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