And at that moment...I felt weak.

I suppose I don't believe in, or care about privacy. I'm not the type of person to keep secrets. It's no surprise to anyone that I have weight issues. I can't say that I'm aware of this being a problem now although it may develop into one later. I don't necessarily care, right now all I care about is maintaining my waist size, and keeping a certain shape.
We went out last night. Bought a large bottle of rum and drank on our expedition with many little misadventures along the way. When we had arrived at the club we sat around and waited for our other friends to join us. At this moment, I began to felt hungry. Not like I usually do...but this was more painful. I believe it was due to the drinking. I felt sick....I had eaten earlier though and could not understand why I felt hungry. I'm not the type of person to succumb to physical pain. Pangs of hunger actually satisfy me. For some sadistic reason...I quite enjoy feeling this kind of pain. Anyway...I felt disgusting when we had later gone to eat at a 24 hour breakfast diner and I had buckled under the weight of my hunger.
Every bite was met with a great disdain from my eyes and knife. It's not as if it went unnoticed either. Everyone around the table noticed everything. How I cut, jabbed, and chewed my meal. I kept a stone-cold demeanor throughout the entire experience wanting only to leave.
On the ride home...I kept the same face and as the air-conditioning hit my face I felt as though it were freezing more than just my exterior. It was penetrating my skin and cooling my soul. I felt frigid. Every time someone touches me I withdraw. I feel as though I'm incapable of feeling love. I've come to hate myself so much...it's become impossible for me to feel for someone else what I can't even feel for myself. The other night I had a binge drinking episode. I sat on the floor for an hour and a half and cried due to the contempt I feel for myself.
And yet...all I want is love. They differ so greatly...platonic and romantic love. The satisfaction one can draw from romantic love seems unlimited while on the other hand platonic love can grow to become to familiar. But...whatever the speculations of these philosophies are...to make a long story short...The point is that I'm lonely. I'm so easily forgotten it's just no surprise that I have such low self-esteem. But...I suppose it's okay. I don't care and neither should anyone else.

Well....this has been a deeply personal entry. I hope that no one takes it for granted that I have confided my secrets in whoever is reading. It doesn't matter too much anyway. I should never be taken me so seriously anyway...